What Would You Have Done if You Met This Little Girl & Her Dead Mouse?

This not a "teaching" post. I'm actually confused and I'm looking for input from readers!

Something weird happened to me today - and it was extra weird because I felt I was in an awkward situation and even in hindsight - still don't know what I should have done!

On the way home this morning, after dropping off my kids to school, I stopped jogging as this little girl was trying to talk to me from her front yard. She was a cute, sweet little blonde, barely preschool age although she claimed she was 5 years old (she looked smaller than my 5 year old who was already in her first year of primary school). She was a little grubby, probably from playing in the front yard, and she was intently trying to have a conversation with me.

It was kind of awkward, me - an adult stranger chatting with this little girl on the street, but I didn't want to be rude and ignore her so I stopped and smiled. I was then shocked to realise she was telling me about this dead mouse she found!

She was tightly holding some dead mouse, and stroking it like a pet! It looked like a wild mouse, not the kind you buy from a pet store, and she said that her cat was playing with it. My parental instincts started kicking in as my mind raced around trying to figure out how to get rid of this bacterial threat! But I couldn't yell at her to throw the mouse away like I would do with my own kids!

So I immediately started being diplomatic and tried to give her friendly advice to throw it away because it was dirty and not like the clean ones at a pet store. I would cringe whenever she raised her "wild mouse contaminated" hand to her face. I tried reasoning with her that these wild mice had to eat rubbish and live in dirt etc. She contemplated what I said but it was like telling a little child to throw away her favourite teddy bear!

Then I ask about her parents and shock number two was when she claimed that she was by herself. "Then who's looking after you?" I asked a couple of times and she said "No one"!

"Then how do you have lunch? What do you do when you get hungry?"

She'd look up at me and say that she could cut up an apple to eat! At least she said her mum and dad would be back at 5.

I looked around and saw several cars in the driveway, indicating a mature group of people must have been related to this household. I approached the house to see if I could let her guardian know that she was playing with a dead mouse, but she seemed alarm when I did that and told me not to go in since I was a stranger! I had no idea if there was anyone (responsible) minding her, and if they would even punish her for playing with the mouse! So I felt stuck!

Trying to be friendly, I encouraged her further to get rid of the mouse and wash her hand - she claimed she didn't have any soap - so I suggested she should at least wash her hands with water because the mouse had germs and nasty bugs. I don't even know if she had heard of the word "germs".

She held tightly to the dead mouse, stroking it all the meanwhile. I didn't even know if I should interfere and contact some authority about this neglected little girl. Heck, I didn't even know if she was really neglected, or just a kid playing in the front yard making up stories - although the dead mouse was real! I could have befriended her further and tried harder to talk her out of cuddling that dead mouse, but it was awkward having a stranger stop and spend so much time chatting with this little girl on the street!

So what would you have done?

I recognised her next door neighbour's house as someone who ran a business from home so I said goodbye to the little girl and went next door.

I asked the neighbour if he knew that little girl and the people at that house. He said he had seen the little girl wandering about the yard by herself quite often and he offered to go over to talk to her and anyone there. She was standing near the rubbish bin, hesitant to release her lifeless furry friend. I was concerned about interfering because it might have been a big deal over nothing but a dead mouse.

I left it at that and I'm thinking I'll walk down that street again next time and check with the neighbour what the conclusion was.

Stay tuned...

Love is a Decision - Romance is a Mood

Raph's views on Love, Marriage, and Divorce

So many people confuse Love with Romance. Especially young people whose understanding of love is shaped by the lyrics of bubblegum pop music (not that I have anything against bubblegum pop music - I actually like it!).

When you think about it, a lot of people find their spouse in a similar city, or at least, similar part of the country. What makes this partner the ideal partner that caused you to fall in love and make the decision to 'have and to hold, for better or worse, until death do you part'? Is it because they were your "soul mate"? Was it because of your feelings of "love"?

My question then is, if it's because you "fell in love" with this person, what about the millions of people in other parts of the country you haven't met yet who could have potentially been a more perfect "soul mate"? Not to mention the hundreds of millions in other countries that may have possibly been a more compatible match? I mean if you fell in love with someone near your city whom you felt was perfect enough to marry, isn't there a high possiblity that you could have met so many people that would be more perfect somewhere else amonst the billions of people in the world?

Well yes, but you chose not to. You had romantic feelings for this person because they were attractive to you, or had something in common that got your attention or whatever it was in the first place. Doesn't matter - the bottom line is that you CHOSE to love them. We often describe it as "falling in love" because that choice of love is often an unpredictable consequence of a blossoming romance.

At any rate, love is a decision, even though it may have been initiated by romance.

I believe it's that understanding that makes marriages last because that too, is a decision. A marriage, like love, is a decision (just check the details of a typical wedding VOW), whilst a wedding, like a romantic mood, is only temporary. That's not to say you can't have your wedding cake and eat it too by having a romantic happily ever after (tip: simply practise appreciating each other more and more - a topic for another blogpost), but being able to differentiate the two will help you to understand that most wedding VOWS (once again, I emphasise the word "vow" - go Google-define it or something) are until "death do us part" - NOT until "inconvenience or lack of romance do us part".

Heck, look at the divorce rates, somewhere just over 50% worldwide! So is the wedding vow just meant to be romantic poetry you recite to your spouse to make it sound better when you're really having a trial marriage?

So, what happens and what do you do if you "stop loving your spouse"?

Then it may be time to DECIDE to love them again. That means remembering all the things that drew you together in the first place, and thinking in the best way possible to look forwards and visualise how you can be better to make things better. Avoid blame (no matter how wrong and irrational your partner is, even if it seems they might deserve it!) as that removes any power from you to make any positive changes, see the bigger picture and take it on yourself to make things better because that's what you want.

My traditional Chinese stepfather used to make a big deal of how pre-arranged marriages used to be so successful in the olden days. Divorce was unheard of. In today's day and age, the suffocating concept of a pre-arranged marriage is such a perceived abomination to our freedoms that we would find it hard to believe that such relationships can possibly work.

I agree with both angles.

Pre-arranged marriages worked (definition of "worked" being that there were no divorces) because for people in that era and culture, that was the accepted way of thinking, and divorce was not an option. People who married that way made the decision to either love their chosen spouse or put up with them till death did them part.

Now we have the freedom to choose our spouse, so why shouldn't that allow us to have more successful relationships?

It can. It's your decision.


-Raphael

"Normal" is Over Rated

What's the big deal about being "Normal" anyways?

How many normal people made a big impact in our world by being normal or doing normal things?

How many achieved greatness by being normal?

How many people do we admire and role model who are normal?

So what's the big deal about being normal???

-Raphael

If Johnny Jumped Off a Bridge... Would You?

Did you have the same parents as me who would then contradict themselves on another day saying, "Well if Johnny jumped off a bridge, would you?". So heck, do they want us to do what other people do or not?

Have you ever heard anyone criticise your unique fashion sense because it wasn't normal, or trendy, or "in fashion"? (Ok, I confess, I've criticised other people's fashion as well - but who cares what I think? I'm no fashion expert anyway!)

In that very criticism there lies a hidden paradox. That paradox says that you're a fool for being different ("setting the trend"), but you're not a fool if you follow someone else who set the trend. In other words, if someone criticises your unique fashion sense, they're saying you're a fool if you don't wear what others are wearing, but you're ok if you follow another fool.

So, it's ok to jump off a bridge provided that Johnny does it first.

Dumb logic (to any parents who may be listening).

Infinite Ways to "Skin a Cat"

Everything in life is negotiable.

Nothing is black and white, it's only perceived to be.

That's because there are infinite ways to "skin a cat"!